i hope someone would give me some solutione
hii people i need help and i dont know where else to go , i hope someone would give me some solutione , iam img from russia passed out in 2016 ,i dint write my mediccal council exam in india and i directly took a job and worked for one year , i really felt like i was doing a call center job , after a year i want to prepare for steps and i quit the job, i wanted to leave to usa as my fiance was there and just want to leave india because the problems i was facing from my family (they always treat me like a left over and they always troubled me making me inferior ,and used words and actions that made me feel like run away from them) unfortunately my visas were rejected and i had no guts to apply again and ruin the oppurtunity so i decided to stay back and clear the step 1 in india, i was depressed with the rejection , with the help of this group i gathered all needed vedioes and books and started my prep from july 2017 with lot of gaps i was able to complete only the vedioes ,i started with the 1st aid from august 2019 (this year ) and purchased a u world que bank , all i could finish is (emby,anat,path) from cvs and uworld question for embryologyin these 2 months , its been 2 years since i quit the job and i had no routine ,i was exhausted of the gaps and restarting again,i was burned out dealing with this pressure and pressure from my home , feeling alone staying right with your fmaily ,i took a break for a 13 days and went to a vaccation ,thinking i coukd regain everything ,but nothing is helping,i clearly un derstood i need help ,because the only thing i do is wake up preapare myself to study and i get blocked i wander or i close books watch motivational vedioes stuff like that , without me realizing i end my day feeling extreme guilty for not able to do anything ,i just pass thru the whole night till morning 4-4;30 overthinking n crying ,i understood this doesnt help i signed up to a therapist all he suggested is meditation and yoga and a self help book to read after the payment he is not responding to the remaining sessions , it felt just awfull , icant quit from this neither i cant imagine myself away from doing anything apart from medicine , i want to succedd workhard and feel the relief in success but idont know how , why i feel stucked , why is it difficult to even sit on chair and open a book ,evryday i make a routine say myself to complete so and pages and i do is procarsinate , currently am staying alone from past 3 months since my parents are away to my hometown and they goona comeback next week, but with people or withot them ifeel alone suffocated , i have no friends to hangout with , i just talk to my fiance evryday on call fr few mintues rest of the day i suffer with my own thought sometimes i cry sometimes i stare and watch something to put my brain away the thoughts , i feel like am carrying huge weight on my chest everyday and feel exhausted in my mind for overthinking , please anybody here i hope you try and understand please help me how do i restart sit and study , as days pass by am wasting the years i alreday wasted 2 years sitting at home ,cant afford to do more , please help please …