I’ve recently started back on the road to my health. As a teen I struggled with my family doctor to be taken seriously, no tests were ever run, no exams and generally very dismissive due to my age. The answer was always “well if this pill doesn’t work, we can try another but it’ll get better with age.” It hasn’t. My periods make me sick to my stomach, not from nausea, from pain. Every muscle in my body aches & it feels like my stomach is made of elastic bands when I try to stand up straight.
BUT
What I was too embarrassed to tell her then, was that I experience pain during sex as well. I avoid sex at all costs because of it and it’s really taking a toll on my relationship. I enjoy sex, I become aroused quite easily & am not physically uncomfortable for the first few moments. Usually by the 10th (estimate) thrust from my partner, I start becoming uncomfortable. Best described as it feels like I start swelling internally and not in a nice way, it creates a chaffing feeling even when artificially lubricated. It can increase to a point that I have to ask my partner to stop or I suffer through it, hoping for a second wind like running a marathon. Certain positions need to be totally avoided, missionary for example feels as though, for both my partner and I, as if he is hitting a wall. This has been going on with every sexual partner I’ve ever had and has gotten worse with age. I have been sexually active for 8 years (14-22) I do have difficulty getting in the mood now because of the anticipation of pain. Tampons are also painful to insert or remove and I have recently switched back to pads.
So here’s the kicker, I saw a (new) lovely doctor who referred me to an ultrasound & gynaecologist (separate referrals). She suspected vaginismus, which after researching I was sure would be the diagnosis. I just had my ultrasound a few days ago and reviewed them with another doctor, who said the imagine looked totally normal. I still have not met the gynaecologist (covid backlog) but the doctor advised I should keep the gynaecology referral and they can work with me to find a solution to the hormone imbalance (meaning they want me to try birth control again which I was eventually taken off of because the effects it had on my health, I lost 60lb and developed anxiety).
I am willing to try more birth control options to deal with period cramps but I know that won’t due anything for the pain related to sex. I feel like I’m at a loss, I thought I would at least get an answer to my problems so I could create an effective treatment plan. I just want to enjoy being with my boyfriend of 4 years & not worry if I’m going to loose him because I don’t offer physical intimacy.
So my questions - Am I creating the pain? What could the cause be if there was no physical evidence of any problems? Should I push for ultrasounds throughout different points in the month? This was done 3 days after my period & haven’t had sex in 4months.
Avg. 3 times a year for the last 2 years. Would having sex 24h in advance potentially show problems? I’m usually sore (again, not in a good way) for a few days after.
I’m not looking for a solution, I just want an answer. I know, regardless, it will be a long journey but if I can put a name to this pains ugly face, I won’t feel so crazy and dramatic. Realistically I’d take painful periods over painful sex, at least the period pain only effects my wellbeing and not my loved ones 
I appreciate your time and consideration.