I do not know why i am speaking…but i want to share and ask…
So many stories of droppers to toppers…but anyone else in the crowd who moved on to become a dropper from a topper…Is anyone else made to feel a little ashamed about this and hence has started avoiding people around them…i am one of them…till pmt everything was golden for me from others’ point of view…then mbbs happened and i realised i want to have a life beyond the darkness…but unfortunately I flunked and what cud hv been a smooth sail become a sea full of storms for me…by the end of mbbs i was so drained emotionally and mentally in getting that 73.8 aggregate that i needed a break…Now the concept of a break is not understood in our country and not acceptable in this fraternity at all…neither personally nor academically…so still i went ahead enjoyed a lovely internship and had a hell of a time…The most colourful period of my life…and being in odd batch i was not eligible for most mid yrs…then i wanted to do a job…instead of prepping for pg… just because i was so tired of theoretical knowledge and i wanted to earn a little too (duniya ka chaska lena tha bachchi ko)…and that backfired pretty well…i was taken to my home by force and started the depression saga of 2018 with falling for a narcissist who pretty well gas lighted me and i almost got suicidal but instead i decided to leave my home…left my home when to the narc only to be made to realise his reality…but with the support of a few good friends the storm was over (trust me being with any kind of relationship with a NPD person is torture in every possible sense)…I finally started my bond duties and prepped at the same time…now not that i did not get selected…i got ENT in my internship yr, ophthal in depression yr and job yr i got obg and resp med.(Counselling still on)
The problem is my family who sees me as a true failure now…even though my may aiims rank is 1156…their disappointment in me is enough to steal my happiness…my mom told me in march hona toh kuch hai nhi tumhara pata nhi kyu padhti rehti ho…in my eyes i am not a failure…kyunki academics hi toh sab kuch nhi hota…i learnt to swim(childhood dream), to ride a bike( yamaha Fz), got my first government job…got over a bad relationship…lived in beautiful countryside…an experience which if i look back gives me thousand times more happiness than what my pmt success gave me…for i learned to live…but this makes me a disappointment to my parents…pmt was success for them…one shot, good rank, college and in…but pg…pata nhi nazar lag gyi h ladki ko humari…mumbai ki hawa lag gyi h…if only people understand that getting a pg, sundar biwi/hubby, apartment in andheri and a clinic of own is not everyone’s definition of success and happiness…plz stop judging wierdos like us jinko gao ka bond krna achha lagta h…jo bas gao-khede me settle hona chahte h with one understanding partner…shayad Antarctica project pr jana chahte ho…rank 22 hokar bhi patho lete ho, aiims rank 11 hokar bhi drop le lete ho …kyunki ye unhe khushi deta h…and i think whatever makes u happy if u get to do it is success…hope the society gets it too…how do u guys fight society’s opinion of u and ur own family’s disappointment in you daily while chasing ur dreams?
Wow…that felt good to speak up finally.
(PS:Might delete this post if i start feeling embarrassed about it)
~ from the keyboard of an introvert.
U have had all the experiences of life…
Don’t wry u have learnt so many things in such less time…both in skills and social issues…and ofcourse u have studied enough…
U are Indeed a Topper…
These life lessons will surely help in Future and u will shine even brighter…
Really u cnt stay happy if u want to make others happy.success will be defined if ur happy in ur life. We should not care abt what society feels.life will come once.so don’t run behind to make others happy.
Everyones life moves at different speed. Sum people are lucky to boost it up. Sum move at normal speed… in the end it all sums upto happiness.
Thoroughly amused to see how you didn’t let yourself flow with Hypocrisy… not indulging into a common herd mentality is needed… Paved your own way and set an example for us to follow!
May you get the best of everything!
I know how it feels to be in a relationship with a NPD. Bcoz i have been through one too in 2016. And yes, i have also enjoyed my intership and housestaffship days without studying (was never a topper). Then prepared for entrance and got through this year. U r not a failure. U r one hell of a girl and society will always find an excuse to point a finger at u. So i guess u should point ur middle finger back to the society. As for parents, all i can say is they have high expectations bcoz they know u r capable of greatness. But u dont have to lose urself for that. Live ur life the way u want to and dont let these things dictate u. Ur ultimate goal in life is mental peace, which people rarely find. So do what makes u happy and be happy. As long as ur lifestyle is not purposely hurting someone else, do whatever u wish to. All the best.