No offence to our profession but feeling helpless quite lately. Read if anyone relates to it

No offence to our profession but feeling helpless quite lately.
Read if anyone relates to it.
Don’t know why but it has become tiring for me to study and work hard, taking a clinical subject takes a toll on your health. Have suffered from depression since college days, now when I think of joining some clinical branch available at my rank, I feel it’s worthless as I guess m not passionate about it anymore. The only thing m thinking that will make me happy is earning a moderate amount of money and living peacefully.
Whats the point of working 24*7 and earning a huge amount of money when your whole life has been gone, that’s more depressing.
At least in my deathbed, I wish to remember a happy life than something which made me unhappy always.
All these thoughts lately making me feel as if I am not worthy of being a doctor, but at same tym when I see my non medico frnds I realize at least they are enjoying their lives .
Is thinking about one’s own happiness selfish? Medical school changes ur life completely…

I was getting MD Psychiatry (now my dream branch) from govt. 2 years back But I wanted MS gynae so I studied more… Meanwhile did non academic Jrship in gynec (Only non pg who was working there) I realised I was only one doing given job happily only because I know that’s temporary, still I can be anything… Everybody else (8-10 gynaecologists) Struggling, complaining, stressing about everything and anything. (from 33 yrs old to 60 yrs old) … Aur phir meri aankhen khul gyi and now I am wishing for MD Psychi…or anything but gynae… Everything happen for a reason…BE AWARE OF WHAT AND WHY YOU ARE DOING OR NOT DOING SOMETHING…

What I feel is we don’t know our priorities clearly…just to show ourselves superior than our colleagues…we r running for Pg n superspeciality…during Pg or SS, each n every day u l feel exploited n dats true…during residency the profs n administration will exploit n during work d management…I feel nw dis field has only input. …no output …