Still that was not enough so decided to not to prepare that year(

Completed my mbbs final year exams in 2017… thought I needed a break and went to goa with friends… still that was not enough so decided to not to prepare that year(1st mistake)…

also for a brief period was confused whether medical field deserves my hardwork or should I change field to get into upsc exams… mid year had a break up and then lost course completely… met someone new and got engrossed in this new thing and let go of my dreams completely for the whole session… cut to march 2018 and decided that I should go to delhi and prepare(2nd mistake)

Went to Delhi in a totally new environment with only dams photocopied notes and test and discussion… was going good till sept I guess then the situation totally unraveled because of some personal problems… lost course again and only qualified in neet 2019… jan 2019 was feeling hopeless so cameback to my hometown… lost and afraid of my own results I took a job in a private hospital to get back in touch with some clinical work… joined coaching once again this time full time without any short cuts… left the job in june still was not ready to put in full efforts… I was afraid actually of what if I would not be able to do it… so I was just running away from the result… (3rd mistake)

Still pushed through all the distractions… which included pubg(was an ace player multiple times) and started real grinding from 25th sept…

I got a decent seat from a decent college in the end but not really the branch of my dreams… something clinical(radiation oncology)… also the 2nd gf left me after my results… so right now I am just confused whether I should be satisfied with what I got… the other option seems that I could prepare for another year but I dont think that would be possible for me come nov dec… family is either ways supportive… just cannot come to grips with the fact that how I wasted my time and talent… but the thought of those nov nights and 12 hr continuous studies is making me afraid as well…