What a doctor should look for in a partner

I would like the opinion of people here on what one should look for in a partner. I am super apprehensive of being stuck in an unhappy marriage, after witnessing one too many dysfunctional, painful, and incredibly hurtful unions. Worse, children that grow up in broken households are traumatized and sometimes incapacitated for life.

A few compatibility issues that readily occur to me are

  • intellectual parity (have witnessed people growing apart and becoming embittered towards each other because they weren’t interested in the same things)

  • money (wives looking down on husbands that earn less, husbands scoffing at wives that earn more than them - have seen couples feuding over stuff like this)

  • hobbies/interests (wife likes to watch serials, husband hates them with a passion, wife likes to gossip, husband hates it - seen this happen all too often)

  • mentally ill spouse (narcissists and psychopaths that gaslight and get off on abusing their partner, it’s not at all easy to identify these tendencies before marriage because the other person is good at putting up a facade)

Would like to hear from married/unmarried people about how much these and other issues should matter? Let me know in the comments.

Its strange how things change so fast. To be taken for granted is one of the most dangerous thing .It ruins the essence of a bond.When two people are in a relationship both have to be taken care of, both have to be valued.Each one should understand and try to make the other one happy.When you realise you are taken granted for ,you should slowly come out of the partnership.Yes , LOVE ALONE is not enough.There comes great responsibilities also.A wife should know what the husband wants, the food he likes , the things which make him happy.At the same time the husband too should know the ways he can make his wife feel special.A small movie date, or a long drive , spending quality time, each one of these are important. No doubt why so many marriages fail just due to lack of communication ,due to lack of these quality times.These unhappy marriages lead to a rising cases of adultery. No can blame those unofficial relationships.Beacuse once a couple gets married ,they focus more on the duties towards each other.They are engaged in a 24 hours duty with each other.In an Indian society ,the woman is often forced to accept whatever is imposed on her.She accepts the way she is told to.She starts to work hard to save her marriage. She looks after the family, the children, the in laws , but she never takes care of herself.She forgets what she wants, what makes her happy, how to get dresses ,how to look good. The man on the other hand engages on earning money for the family. He thinks of the future of his children .He too forgets to look after his own physical and mental health.Both these lead to an utterly failed marriage. Because what they do is spending days after days with the burden of duties. Once they get an outlet ,they release all their sorrows , frustrations in the form extra marital affairs. They donot divorce because they anyhow want to save the legal marriage. These unhealthy practices should end.Every man and woman should realise , a marriage is successful only when they both are happy and satisfied emotionally, physically, mentally, sexually and not just financially or responsibilities wise. The little charms should not be lost at the cost of bigger goals.
Sabrina

While choosing the branch the most important question we ask ourselves is that if we want surgical or non surgical. And half of your dilemma goes away. In the same manner the first thing you need to decide on is if you want to settle with a medico or non medico. Let’s assume you don’t know ,and try to get into some core concepts of a happy relationship.

  1. Most important thing is being happy on your own. U must be happy on your own, and i think this is the most important aspect of a happy and healthy relationship. U must be self sufficient before you can even imagine of being in a healthy relationship. Your partner can be the add on to your happiness but can’t be the main source of it. People who don’t know how to keep themselves happy can never keep the other person happy.

  2. Remain detached. There is a fine line between being detached and being non chalant. You need to know the fine line. And that comes from experience. If you depend on your partner in every aspect of your life and expect them to be available everytime you want them ,it will get pretty toxic in no time. Have your own world, own space ,own hobbies and own friends . Breathe outside the relationship and let your partner do the same.

  3. Don’t be afraid to fail in a relationship. If you step into a relationship thinking that you have to make this work anyhow even if it isn’t then that relationship is a failure from the very start. Let it run its natural course. The commitment you should give and expect in return is the commitment of being happy together. If the magic is lost there is no point in continuing it, no matter how much time you invested. Being together and being happy together are very different things. Invest in the second one .

  4. Work on yourself. Learn to be emotionally available, responsible, caring and understanding. Girls don’t want much. But girls are very specific about their needs. Work on those skills and you can keep any woman happy forever. Try to maintain consistency throughout in your relationship.

If two people are happy together then the problems you mentioned you will never have to face. Don’t think of settlement at this very moment. Date people, understand people, fail in relationships. You have so much time brother. When the right person comes you will know. The magic hits different. You two can spend the entire day without even talking but being happy together. The day you start enjoying and cherishing the silence of a woman you will know she’s the one. I hope you find the right woman and I hope you two will be happy together,…
Aritra