Posting from Anonymous
Salam Ladies, just wanted to share my story so it can give hope to some people who are striving and fighting every day and give them hope that Allah never leaves you alone.
I graduated from a prestigious college from my country, Pakistan, I was determined to come to USA for my residency , at that time I didn’t have a single relative but even then I knew I should pursue my career here. I was the first physician in my family, but my dad was super supportive and stand like a rock for my every decision. I was accepted by a prestigious university for electives so I did a month rotation ( My visa was rejected twice but I kept applying and then embassy got pissed and gave me the visa finally) anyways I stayed in the hostel alone and got good experience, then went back, did not do the house job- studied for USMLE while the rishta hunt was on too, got engaged thrice these time but Alhamdulillah Allah had better plans for me so I kept studying and did not deviate myself, anyways just before 2 weeks of my marriage I got to know I failed in my Step 2 cs exam of USMLE, I was wrecked but anyways tried to stay happy and enjoyed initial days of marriage. My husband was supportive and valued my ambition, he got me expensive classes for USMLE CS and I cleared my exam, got pregnant , in the meantime kept emailing people locally to get research/ hands on experience, started a remote research then got 3 months rotation too. I was last trimester pregnant and was working nearly 30 hrs hand on + research, it was tough but beautiful in a way I enjoyed and loved being a physician. In the meantime my in laws gave a very very hard time, I was asked a couple of times in hospital if I am depressed as I used to cry secretly. Anyways delivered a healthy baby while studying for step 3 but it was not do able so applied for the MATCH, got 8 IV calls but got unmatched and I blamed myself for CS. Anyways went to Pakistan for four month so I can study in some peace, but during this time my dad had pneumo-sepsis and he was in delirium, was admitted in ICU for two weeks . Fortunately I was with my family and helped them through rough patch, my daughter got 105 fever for a month, was hospitalized as well but I tried to keep everything in balance and kept studying, came back to USA and was given a hard time again by in laws but again I appeared in step 3 and was just passed in step3 (201). I realized this result will not help me so again I applied in MATCH, got 8 IV calls again ( 4 from same programs + 4 from new programs) but travelling and each year application cost me a lot and we were got almost broken financially, but anyways I was UNMATCHED again, this time I was super desperate I thought may be interviewing at hundred places is not worth it and I should stick to one program, so got connected to a friend and she suggested she volunteered in a program for 2 years and then they offered a preliminary spot in IM, I discussed with my husband and he did not agree to relocate, plus we could not afford a day care in one person income, so I asked for financial help from my dad, because I knew my year of graduation is already 5 years and l can return that money sometime but I can never reverse my year of graduation, anyways I forced my husband for my passion that I will stay in a different state alone. My in laws of course didn’t agree and brought me on the edge of divorce ( I had to choose between my career and my family ) my husband was smart and saved me from that shit and drive 20 hours straight and dropped me off in different state. I started volunteering in that hospital , built my contacts and worked with everyone in the selection committee. Everyone respected me and promised me to get into residency. During this time I was not allowed to see my daughter and husband by my laws, cried and prayed every day if Allah can ease my suffering, anyways I applied in MATCH and got 9 Interview calls this time. This year my confidence was very different as I was liked by the programs and I was confident that I will match this time. Anyways the current program I was working with, they hired a new program director and he terminated my friend’s contract too, rumors were they will not accept IMGS and will accept american graduates only. Anyways I thought to stay positive and applied for a odd job position in my husband ’ s office so we can get better financially. I moved back, apologized to my in laws so we can have peace for sometime. MATCH result came and I was UNMATCHED again. This time I did not have the courage to cry, I was blamed by everyone surrounding me, my husband and my in laws and had to bear because people started blaming me for my English, my dressing, my confidence , my interview skills, my score. But I kept praying and I understood its not my deficiency… I knew people in my circle were matched with lower credentials so I realized its NOT TIME YET and it is indeed a test by my GOD. At the same time I had to start working on a back up plan, So I called all near by pathology labs and all hospitals, approached some pathologist and to my surprise I was accepted by A senior Pathologist at JOHNS HOPKINS University Hospital for a month rotation, he was a legend, there were tumors after his name and I knew his LOR will be a GOLD STANDARD for me, anyways I had to commute nearly 5 hours every day to reach him but I continued it for a month, then joined my husband’s office job so we can pay our some credit cards, in the mean while I approached different people, and started doing remote research with CLEVELAND CLINIC , I managed to work on 8- 10 projects while I was doing that odd job. I kept approaching different hospitals too, then one day I was called by A director in one of the biggest hospital in MID- Atlantic region nearly 30 min away from my home, he said “I will give you a pathologist position ( laboratory job) in my lab with salary of $82000, I know you do not have experience but you are trainable” ( in the interview I told him my entire journey of Internal medicine, and he was impressed by my passion) , anyways I kept waiting for the clearance and resigned from my current job and had to join July 1st position in this lab. Though I was pursuing the path of pathology and things were falling into place but Internal medicine was like my first love and my baby girl friend. Throughout the time while I was commuting and doing that odd job I kept crying and questioned GOD, if pathology was my destiny why didn’t you guide me any earlier and why I kept running after oasis, I was so desperate I felt like I should join a DO program so I can be american graduate and fight with this discrimination. On June 16th I got call from a hospital where I hadinterviewed in the last season saying they have increased their number of seats for Internal Medicine and If I can join them on July 1st… I got crazy and said yes I will accept everything but then they wanted sometime to send me the confirmation. I kept waiting and in the meantime I was like ALLAH give me patience if it is written for me then please grant or give me patience I am nearly exhausted and I have accepted your will, whatever is in my destiny I will accept it. In next one hour I got the offer letter and I had to join PGY1 position for Internal Medicine at a metropolitan area in the next week. I GOT MATCHED!!!
Even today when I recall my struggle I burn every day, every second I spent without my daughter, every mile I had to walk, every penny I owed from everyone , all the decisions I took where I never knew what will come next. This journey shaped me as my faith is stronger than ever, ALLAH never left me alone even those times when I thought he is blind to me, my pain, my longing for my daughter and my career. Allah gave me everything at the best time when I deserved it and when it was best for me. In the end I will say don’t beat yourself, dont blame your scores, your visa status, your circumstances, Allah gave you the best of everything and do not compare yourself to other people’s life because you do not know what they are going through.
BE PERSISTENT, BE PATIENT and HAVE FAITH!!!