Hi .Today is my Birthday . TOday I enter my mid-thirtees with big failure and disappointement and self-hatred. Looking back how I iamgined my life when I just graduated ,it was total different. Reachign 35, jobeless,dependent on your parents,stuck in USMLE with performance doesnt match effort or time and adds obstacle to your whole already weak profile ,single , reaching menoopause faster than tesla is horrible feeling you wake up to everyday. Not participating in your family ceremony and wedidngs cause of study and you know they have supported you all the way and they are fed up and fighitng with you cause they dont want too see your life as perosn got wasted like that and throwing things you lost over your vague American dream is hard. they do it out of Love ,I never doubted that. I have big role in the position I am in , being mentally and psychologically fragile, distracted easily , alot of drops in study , not balancing everything and not triyng my best and I beleive not making the best of my time (ex. in lockdown instead of studying, I binged netflix like 4 or 5 series) ,so yes I have role in that. this is not for petty , I am not lookign for one. I am older that that and that suffer and struggle I kept with my self for over a year and will not be improved by some encouragment and “we all in same position” , I know my position and the many wrongs and how I failed my self. this post is just looking for some relief and message to memebrs epsecially young one to organize your life and study.Dont lose everytihng for one vague thing. Make smart choice ,stong decision and committment. Dont be procrastinator, It will cost you your life. Have good day eveyone — 
celebrating a birthday.